Things are not what I want them to be. I had great plans, but I don't know how to make them work.

I stood in the liquor aisle of the grocery store for a long time tonight. I didn't buy anything, but I wanted to. It is not that I have a drinking problem. I only have a drink a couple times a year. But when I was the age my daughter is now, my mother started drinking. My parents are both alcoholics now. So it scares me a little.

I just want something to make me feel a little numb.

My marriage is in trouble. To be honest it hasn't always been the best marriage, but a few years ago things got better. At least I thought they did. But now it's all falling apart. A year ago I felt like we were best friends. And so, okay, things weren't hot and steamy, or even sweet and romantic. But we talked all the time, and I thought we wanted the same things. Now we barely talk at all. He is so distant. When I try to talk he says I am pressuring him. I think he wants out, but doesn't want to hurt me or the kids. He doesn't realize that the distance hurts anyways.

Sometimes I just want to take the kids and run away. I don't have any where to run to. And I don't think the kids would appreciate being taken away from everything they know.